Experiences as Possessed!Hunter, and Being One-But-Three
Content Warnings:
- Brief death mentions.
- Brief abuse mentions.
- Spoilers for S3 E1 "Thanks to Them" of The Owl house.
As a fictive of a temporary fusion of two characters, my identity is a little bit more complicated than most others in my system. This post will be me explaining my identity as a possessed Hunter fictive in a little more depth than I've done in the past.
In my memories, everything was canon compliant for the most part, up until a certain point. For needed context for those unfamiliar with the source, Belos is the main villain of the series and he had made Hunter as essentially a clone of his dead brother. Hunter was raised on the Boiling Isles--an alternate dimension to the human realm--by Belos as his "nephew". Hunter was mistreated and lied to about his origins, but he managed to get out and made friends with Luz and the rest of her group.
Eventually, the main group ended up stuck in the human realm, along with Belos, who then possessed Hunter and tried to hurt his friends. In my memories, we died in the fight immediately following the possession, and we ended up here in our system, still fused together--except it's not just Belos in control anymore, it's a weird amalgamation of both of us.
We're not a subsystem, because we're not separate at all, though in the beginning it was much closer to something along those lines. We'd only have one stream of thought at a time, but it'd be both of us thinking at the same time, though it didn't blend seamlessly together into a new person. Considering both of our different views on... Pretty much anything, I'd be arguing with my own thoughts in my brain a lot of the time and trying to figure out what I actually wanted. Responding to what people asked me took time, and it was overall unpleasant.
It was hard, especially because I couldn't separate into my two parts. I didn't know how and it just made things worse because it felt like my brain was constantly tearing itself apart, but nothing I could ever do would actually separate us. It hurt a lot, knowing that I was my own abuser and my own victim at the same time. And knowing that some people were going to be scared of me regardless of me still being part Hunter, because I was also the villain of the series and I did do terrible things also hurt a lot. I felt my existence itself was a contradiction and I was fighting with myself every waking moment to properly function.
Recently though, I've discovered that as time went on, I've become more separate from Hunter and Belos. I'm not either of them anymore, I'm Mal. I'm a new person, my own person separate from them, regardless of the fact that they made me who I am. I don't argue with myself, I have a new name, I didn't do all the horrible things that Belos did even though he's a part of me, I'm less stressed overall and I have separate interests to the both of them, even if some of those interests do overlap. Over time, things became much easier for me. It felt more like we were three people rather than two people stuck together, and it felt so much better to actually function that way.
We've been able to separate since. It happened during a particularly stressful period of time, but we separated, and my components changed their names to be Horizon (Hunter) and Bait (Belos). They were unstable being separate at first, finding it hard to exist as their own people after so long. In the beginning they were both scared of each other as well. Horizon was worried that Bait would want nothing to do with him anymore and that I would stop existing forever and my partners would be upset with him, and Bait was worried the same way. They did speak though, and they'd even consider each other friends now, despite their history.
Now we fuse and unfuse whenever we'd like, and all parts of who I am are stable. When they combine to make me, I still don't argue in my own thoughts, and when they separate, they're able to be their own people. I still feel as if people who know my source and are from it see my icon on Discord and avoid me, and as much as that does hurt, I know that I'm not my source and none of us--not even Bait--have done anything bad here.
Overall, we've really improved as a whole, despite our struggles. Our identity is still very complicated, but it at least isn't causing us any harm anymore.
In my memories, everything was canon compliant for the most part, up until a certain point. For needed context for those unfamiliar with the source, Belos is the main villain of the series and he had made Hunter as essentially a clone of his dead brother. Hunter was raised on the Boiling Isles--an alternate dimension to the human realm--by Belos as his "nephew". Hunter was mistreated and lied to about his origins, but he managed to get out and made friends with Luz and the rest of her group.
Eventually, the main group ended up stuck in the human realm, along with Belos, who then possessed Hunter and tried to hurt his friends. In my memories, we died in the fight immediately following the possession, and we ended up here in our system, still fused together--except it's not just Belos in control anymore, it's a weird amalgamation of both of us.
We're not a subsystem, because we're not separate at all, though in the beginning it was much closer to something along those lines. We'd only have one stream of thought at a time, but it'd be both of us thinking at the same time, though it didn't blend seamlessly together into a new person. Considering both of our different views on... Pretty much anything, I'd be arguing with my own thoughts in my brain a lot of the time and trying to figure out what I actually wanted. Responding to what people asked me took time, and it was overall unpleasant.
It was hard, especially because I couldn't separate into my two parts. I didn't know how and it just made things worse because it felt like my brain was constantly tearing itself apart, but nothing I could ever do would actually separate us. It hurt a lot, knowing that I was my own abuser and my own victim at the same time. And knowing that some people were going to be scared of me regardless of me still being part Hunter, because I was also the villain of the series and I did do terrible things also hurt a lot. I felt my existence itself was a contradiction and I was fighting with myself every waking moment to properly function.
Recently though, I've discovered that as time went on, I've become more separate from Hunter and Belos. I'm not either of them anymore, I'm Mal. I'm a new person, my own person separate from them, regardless of the fact that they made me who I am. I don't argue with myself, I have a new name, I didn't do all the horrible things that Belos did even though he's a part of me, I'm less stressed overall and I have separate interests to the both of them, even if some of those interests do overlap. Over time, things became much easier for me. It felt more like we were three people rather than two people stuck together, and it felt so much better to actually function that way.
We've been able to separate since. It happened during a particularly stressful period of time, but we separated, and my components changed their names to be Horizon (Hunter) and Bait (Belos). They were unstable being separate at first, finding it hard to exist as their own people after so long. In the beginning they were both scared of each other as well. Horizon was worried that Bait would want nothing to do with him anymore and that I would stop existing forever and my partners would be upset with him, and Bait was worried the same way. They did speak though, and they'd even consider each other friends now, despite their history.
Now we fuse and unfuse whenever we'd like, and all parts of who I am are stable. When they combine to make me, I still don't argue in my own thoughts, and when they separate, they're able to be their own people. I still feel as if people who know my source and are from it see my icon on Discord and avoid me, and as much as that does hurt, I know that I'm not my source and none of us--not even Bait--have done anything bad here.
Overall, we've really improved as a whole, despite our struggles. Our identity is still very complicated, but it at least isn't causing us any harm anymore.